I’ve been struggling with how to tackle the future. I’ve spent most of my life worried that I made the wrong decision, that I turned a wrong corner and I’ll fail. There are a few times in my life that I knew I was making the right decision. I threw caution to the wind and I took a leap of faith. That first time was the moment I stepped onto St. Michael’s College campus with my best friend in 2004.
She wanted to see the campus because she was planning on attending. I had never heard of this small Catholic college in the Burlington area of Vermont. I didn’t care too much, just that I was supporting her decision to check it out before she sent in an application. But the moment we stepped on to the campus – on a day that everything was closed due to a holiday – I knew it was home. I could feel that I belonged here. It was weird, and many might not understand, but I just knew it. Despite the expensive tuition that I could never afford, the fact that I didn’t even know if they had the major I was going to pursue (they did), or that I couldn’t see into any of the buildings because everything was locked, I knew this was the right move for me.
So I applied. And I only applied to St. Michael’s. I had no backup plan except the faith that if I didn’t get in, that I had time to apply late to a few other local state colleges. But I knew in my heart that I was making the right decision.
I did get in. No wait list, just in. My friend ultimately did not end up going. And, yes, I may still be paying off my tuition, but I won scholarships, worked a work study job at the library and worked evenings at the sandwich cafe in Alliot. I made it work. I was rewarded with the best college roommate you could be paired up with (we stayed roommates all four years) and going to St. Michael’s ultimately brought me to living in New Hampshire in a roundabout way.
I knew it was a good idea. And yes, I had a back up plan, but it wasn’t obvious to everyone. I had faith. Faith that things will work out. That if they fail, something else will come along. Faith that even though things don’t look like they’re the best solution at the time, they are meant for the path I am taking.
What I mean is, although right now not everyone agrees with the path I’m currently taking as a career move, I’m very grateful for everyone who has been so supportive and understanding that I need something that allows me to do the things that make me happy, have time for Andy, and still can feel like I work in a creative environment.
Faith is a funny thing. You either give into it completely, or you let doubt fall into your path. So have faith. Be positive, and dream any dream you wish to dream.